"i dont care"

hello all. this is my last blog entry. it will begin with the telling of my day and end with some notes. and finally shout outs/goodbyes. ok:
PART ONE:MY DAY
The day started out absolutly miserable, i felt like crap and it just wasnt fun. but then during gym i got permission to run the whole period and that gave me time to think and relax. after that i felt much better. After school i went to roberts house i feel asleep for a bit and then we talked for a while. he brought me home and i just hung out with my sister. then i took down every poster in my room. i talked breifly with nicole pagnotta. then it was dinner time, we were having raviollis and i LOVE psats but i really didnt feel like eating so i went running. as i was running some car kept beeping at me and i was like what the hell im not in your way but then i saw it was casy olberman and her mother. and that was a pleasant surprise it really cheered me up to talk to them, i love casy:) anyway i got back from my run it was quite refreshing and now im here ending my blog.( oh and i had a slice of cheese cake factory cheese cake, i love the cheese cake factory)
PART TWO: FEELINGS AND NOTES
well this blog was fun while it lasted but everything has its time, and it was just time for this to end. I advise everyone to enjoy what they have while they have it. and i also have to say prolly the most painfull feeling in the world is to loose the most important thing to you. when you really love something and you would rather be there more than anywhere else and and your favorite place is to be with that person, when you enjoy beong with someone so much you put it before everything else you do, that just a simple hug or kiss you realize are the most important and meaningful things in your life. and the pain that comes when theese things are away is hard and sad but the pain that comes when theese things are gone forever when you love someone and just sitting with them not even talking makes you so happy. its the worst feeling in the whole world the worst pain ever to knpw and realize its all gone and there is nothing you can do to make it come back. It Sucks. thats the best way to say it, its the most painful feeling you can ever possibly feel. it hurts it really does, guys dont waste what you have. cuz when you dont have it anymore it really sucks. it really does.
PART THREE: SHOUT OUTS AND GOODBYES
i know im being rediculous but it feels like life is over and im never going to see any of you again, even though ill see every one of you ni school tomarrow, but i still feel like its all over and everything is gone. so heres how im going to do this: ill shout out a name and then give a time that weve shared together.ok:
Non-Drama Shoutouts:
*danielle perisi: you are one oftyhe coolest people i know, and ill have to cut 6th period again sometime.
*Eriny: you are the nicest person i know and we will have to have another cookie party sometime!
*kristen felcker: you are so cool and seeing you at lucas's was like the highlight of my spring break
*Xavier: i know you dont read this but your damn sexy
Drama Shoutouts(Alphbetical for your convenience):
DAR: i realy dont know you but one of the funniest things ever was during the world of difference meeting
Jenny: Hi Jenny!! you are the best and you know id make out with you if i were straight. and i still want to go the ice cream fair- now that i can actualy eat it lol
Krista: you shouldnt be in drama cuz ive know you for so long. your one of my best friends:)
LIZ CRAIG!!: holla back. this girl is mad gangsta! and walking to n.garneville was the best!
Nick: heh. i hate mrs santillo
Juli Farewell: you know i think your so cool, enough said
Vincent Femia: i dont know waht to say about you? i honestly do like you but i dont get you and you know that
Amanda Friedman:I Love You So Much! i dont know what id do with out you and youve brought me some of the happiest times of my life.
Gongy!: you know your the best we need to start hanging out again!(more talk later)
Veronica: my photo coping pro, your the best Love you!:)
Mary Elizabeth: i think you are so cool, your so down to earth and tough and not a dumb girl you are cool!
Danya: um... holla::shrug shrug::
Jena Morrano: you are the coolest peron that i know and i mean if i ever tell anyone their the coolest person i know it would be lie because its jena. your so cool ahh im jealous:)
Mandy!: :)Mandy(in a bitchy voice): "you dont say hi to me anymore?" me: "hi mandy" mandy: HI!! JOHN!!!!:)
Christina Odell: the bus rides and the chats you know youve helped me so much
Toni!!: hi hun!
The lovely, incomprable nicole pagnotta: im hopelessly in love with you! and your the best :)
Danielle Perrone: we tight! lol weve had ggod times together and you were tres beau at prom. i love you!
Kevin: you make me laugh, your great!
Robert:youve done more for me than you possibly know. i love you, and i really mean it.(you have a really nice but too:))
Ruthie: oh ruthie SMILE!! we have elf together
Mark turner: i feel like your my big brother. your cool man
lisa: "my name is lisa"
Adam: you rock! :)
ok that wasnt as cool as i thought it would be but farewell every one my blogging days are over!
(im sorry if you werent mentioned tell me and youll be added

i feel hopeless and lost. i just dont see the point in anything anymore. like why is everything a big deal, why is there so much rediculousness going on inthis world like i just dont get it, i feel like there is no point in absolutly anything. and there are so many problems about nothing. we get in fights with our parents and when you actually think about it there was no point in an argrument and most of the time there was no point for either person to get angry. every one makes a big deal out of nothing. no one realizes how good they have it they only want more. no one focuses on the positives in thier life how much they do have or who really likes them or the good things(which we all have plenty of) we can only focus on what so an so did to us or what we cant have or whats going on in other peoples life. why can people just be happy? there is so many people who dont have anything or anyone. people complain when they only get a 99 and they couldnt get 100. people dont like it when others get what they want. i just dont get the point in anything. there is so little appreciation in anything. i just dont get it. i feel so lost. the world is so greedy. and i can say that i dont fit in with everything im saying, but really what is the point in doing anything? what is all realy worth? i can go out with friends and getting drunk isnt my idea of a good time, being stoned every day in school isnt funny. and sometimes i wonder why i dont have that many friends because i get along with everyone but in reality its me. i dont want to be frineds with people you people who read this i like, but i just dont get it stauying home and suding wont get me anywhere going out partying getting drunk and haveing sex isnt fun. and all that falls in the middle isnt real. everything is so unrealistic. i just feel like roling up in aball and never leaving my room. every one is stupid. WHY? thats the one question i have and if anyone can answer it please tell me. tell me why. why what? why anything. why are we here what are we suppose to do. what are we suppose to be getting out of life? why are there days and weeks and months and years? why do we eat three meals a day? why do we go to school? why? as im writting this im begining to feel better and actually that everything ive written so far has been quite unessecary, but sometimes i do get hopeless. but then i realize that im rediculous. and i have faith in man kind. but i dont know i should shut up. but im asking everyone to think about what they have and appreciate it. go tell your parents you love them. and enjoy life. i really dont understand it but i guess we have to make something of it and i try and make the best of everything, so i suppose this is sappy and dumb and if your thinking that i agree with you if someone was saying this to me id tell them to shut up and be content cuz thats what you really want so dont tell us to do all this stuff if your sitting at home on your computer being hopelees when you wwnat everyone else to be the opposite so after writing this i want to go back and deleate it all but im leaving it just for every one to think about, cuz what ever i have to go anyway so this was dumb but just think,a bout it if i have time ill come back and make more comments godd night all.

wow. the format of the blog thing here is different and im a little confused. huh? anyway im having quite a nice day so far. the day went by fast and then i stayed after school and helped veronica and sang with adam in touring choir. i think i may join next year?then as the physics ap test got out i saw erin and mark and mark told me "robby was down there too" and just the fact that mark called robert robby made me laugh. it was just surprising . Mark is prolly the most masculine manly man i know and he was like 'oh robby hehe' and it was just funy. hmm anyway i got a haircut today, i wanted it short, i have to say i am happy with it but i wish the front was longer cuz i look better with bangs and it covers my forehead. w/e its prolly still the best haircut ive ever had although im never satisfied with how my hair looks. ooo and i tried mint!!!! kitkats the other day!! they were tres bein! i love mint. i highly recomend them, especially frozen. um i have nothing left to say so im out. peace all.
(?)

"Love Is In The Air!" guys i just had the nicest time!! if you were with me you prolly wouldnt of noticed, but i really did! i dont ever want to leave rob ever again!! we went shopping with amanda and jenny. i dont much like shopping but i like rob, alot!! oh, hes the greatest person in the whole world, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm yay!!! oh i feel so light and happy i just want to smile and cuddle up and smile hehehe!! its gross.:) im gonna be annoynig and go call him right now cuz i wasnt to be with him!!! ahhh yay! have a great day guys!! bye! :)

yay ok i forgot to mention how wonderful yesterday was. it was one of the best days in my life! i went to a path by the river with rob to walk his dog. and it was so nice. it really was. i had conversations with rob, just casual ones and it was so comfortable and i had problly one of the best times in my life i didnt even want to go home i just wanted to talk to rob, and it was nice to not talk to him too, just being in his company and being comfortable enough to not say anything was really nice. i didnt want to leave him! yesterday was really one of the nicest times in my life! yay!

ok dinner was good! we had chicken fajitas! anyway before i start telling you about the rest of my day i have to say its annoyes me when drivers get mad at other drivers when they make the same mistakes and when they make those mistakes they think they are doing nothing wrong and its just that there was nothing else they could do- well did you ever think there was nothing else the other car could do either? it just annoys me. hmm anyway today was nice i was in a loving daze all day untill lunch when i sold pictures from jr prom with nicole sabino and then with nick 6th then robbys test got over and i wanted him to take me home but he wouldnt because hes a good person, but i got a ride home from mark (also a good person) and i went to his grandparents house. it was really nice it was so grandparenty like it was cozy, it smelled nice, and i can just imagine his grandma there baking him cookies while his grandpa was sitting in his chair watching the tv. id like to meet his grandparents cuz they sound cool like really nice. (?) but we watched the FOOD NETWORK!!!!! - i love food!! then i went home and had a dentist appointment! hell yeah!! i love the dentist so much! its so relaxing and im in love with my dental hygenist! i was so happy to see her b/c last time i was there she wasnt and her wedding picture wasnt on the wall anymore so i thought she might have left so i was sad b/c i would prolly never see her again and i love her, so i was happy to find out she was just on vacation and shes back we talked a bit but thats why i like the dentist so much cuz you dont have to talk since there is stuff in your mouth and the person just talks to you -its nice! and diane has such nice eyes ( i know im gay, but shes like the kinda girl that could turn me straight. damn shes so _) well anyway goodnight everyone! :)

hello! today i felt so love struck or something i was in a daze all day, and i couldnt focus in any of my classes cuz i was daydreaming. and i had the songs Every Things Going My Way and Dedicated To The One I LOve in my head the whole day. (ill finish this after dinner!)

i just read threw my blog entrys and realize most of the things i write about are compleatly incoherent, and the have improper grammer, spelling, and no punctuation what so ever, it doesnt surprise me but you all probly have no clue what im talking about half the time-heh anyway g'night!

hi everyone!! im back! so where did i leave off? oh yes crazy ol' santillo anyway today i was walking in the hall an some guy "bummped" into me "accidentily" and grabbed my crotch! i gave him a dirty look cuz i was late or else i woulda knocked him in the head (no i couldnt do that, but i was like what the hell? heh) and then at lunch i had a quite a pleasant conversation with Lisa Castallano (no relation to Lance) that was nice and then after school i met liz and alana and liz yelled at alana cuz she was being annying and it was one of the funniest things i had seen in a while. liz is soo funny shes really cool it was fun hanging out with her. we walked to north garnivelle together to see marks lax game and t was very fun. shes sooooooo! cool and we played on the playground at the school NRHS should have a playground! oh and at NGES i saw my cousin Tara who is so cool shes another person i enjoy in my family, and then we met Danya at the game and her boyfriend who was actually quite cool he had a good since of humor. and the whole time me and liz were talking about wanted to eat glazed popems and when i got home my daddy bought me a treat and he got glazed popems it was very exciting!! i finally returned to my tap dancing classes tonight i dont remember an absolute thing and it was actually quite humerous. and nicole pagnotta told me i smelled nice and that made me very happy because i wasnt wearing anything so that means i just naturaly smell good i enjoy nicole pagnotta i really do shes a very pleasant person! well i went to nyssma i didnt do great and i actually did worse than my usually bad but i wasnt upset cuz i dont think its that important and doing well doesnt mean that much to me, so ill be satisfied with what ever i get it was a nice experience though, erin turned my pages for me!! and lisa told me i smelled nice too!! which made me feel even better cuz now i knew nicole wasnt liying(i knew you were sincere in your complement, but the back up boosted your complement) yay so i actually had quite a spectacular day!! and now im off to go call robby cuz i havent seen him all day and i miss him!! awww yay!! ew! this morning i walked into the band room and rob wasnt there and not even two seconds passed by when Jessica Gross yelled "OH! robs left and hes not coming back for the rest of the day!! so come talk to me!!" and then she started asking me about gymnastics and if i could do them which was just really an excuse for her to talk about how she used to be a phenominal gymnist bacvk in the day. uh huh ( what day?) well anyway i wish every one a good night and just incase you read this and i dont have your e mail adress check out http://www.cestcop.com/jmacs.htm it was sooooooooo cool i was tres excited! anyway see you all soon! night.

hello!, quite the splendid past few days! thurs day was nice as usualy and tocay was exceptionaly good!! first period i had academic breakfast amanda freidman sang so amazing i wanted to congradulate her and give her a BIG hug but she had left by the time i got over there her voice was phenominal! second period i came in late and he forgot to ask me for my homeworj and that was such a relief cuz i didnt have it done. few! oh and yesterday i got out of basically failing gym again because coach munchink thinks im on drugs lol anyway, then oh wait omg mrs santillo!! ask for details if you care but she blackmailing me and honestly i dont fucking care but still shes a bitch. heh i said enough i may as well say the whole thing we were talking about my cold hands and then all the sudden she was talking about how i cut her class but i thought she was telling me i cut myself lol and i was like what?! looking at my wrists and stuff but then i realized we were talking about her chourus class and she said i wont wite you up for cutting if you go to nyssma and thats dumb and if she even did what the fuck(and now my others a bitch so ill finish this later... to be continued

*UPDATE* im finally done sulking this day has now become tres bein!! all thanks to ruthie!! yay! i belive ruthie just may be the person i enjoy the most on this whole planet!! shes so funny. she really makes me laugh her vocabulary and the way she phrases things is absolutly perfect and shes just so funny. and enjoyable like i have to say i like many people and get along with everyone but there are very few people i enjoy all the timne and ruthie is definatly one of them shes just so... ruthie! yay ok so all is well im happy AND ITS ALL THANKS TO RUTHIE!! hoorah!!

i hate everything! i hate contacts and music teachers mostly (except mrs drake!!) today has been the suckest day ever and i just found out i have a dentist appointment next teusday, and i was like FUCK! im in a very critical mood. i just hate everything!and when i got homoe today i was so excited cuz there was cake in the fridge and i was like yay! cake but then i found out it was from my grandma when i unwrapped it and smelled the disgusting stench of smoke! and when i bit into it it tasted like ciggerete butts so i just threw the whole thing out! what a waste:( i had to go home and its not fun cuz i have no one that im close enough to to invite myself out with them and i have nothing to do to invite them to and i had no hw so going home really sucked so i went grocery shopping cuz i love that and that sucked too i ended up getting a pack of gum and some strwberrys but the strawberrys were gross and unripe! and then i was so bored i sat online doing nothing I HATE COMPUTERS and i HATE THE INTERNET. i miss hanging out with cool people oh! and i can go on a feild trip this friday with danielle perisi this friday for reasons i dont know but i can and im sad . and i think jena is cool! eh! eh im gonna sit on this computer and make my life miserable instead of trying to enjoy life. but just for today then ill go back to good all positive john!!and be happy with a ll life has to offer and enjoy every moment of it!!

HELLO! crappy day. first of all, for some reason people are beginging to think i like danielle perrone. uh huh? did we all forget im gay and going out with robert cuz me and danielle are just friends and for me to like her really doesnt make any sense, attall. ok well now that that is hopefully cleared up, i give you my day: well 1st period i went to the damn book fair and saw coach munchnik i had to explain to him why i cut yesterday and why my essay is so crappy. well that almost made me cry then i failed a math test and i hate band and mr powers i am so happy im never playing music in school again! teachers dont seenm to realize i dont care about music, and then tell me to do it anyway and then get mad at me when i dont care so w/e screw them! anyway: i really wanted to take my time coming home (meaning hang out with rob before he went home but he took me home thats ok rther isnt much i coulda done. and i have to say im very jealous of nicole pagnotta. after jr prom i was so upset rob wasnt there cuz it was one of the funnest times in my life and i couldnt share it with the person i like the most in this whole world. and this is going to be such a memorable fun time for him and i really wish i could be there to share it with him. but im happy hes going with nicole pagnotta cuz i honestly really like her and if it were anyone else id be slightly more upset about it all. more to say but have to go so think about this: isnt masturbating and internet sex quite the same thing?! (hint: they are, its just instead of getting off to picture you get off to abunch of guys talking dirty to you and the guys arent even real cuz the are just stupid perverts and theres a bunch of them so its not quite intamet(spelling?) its more like masturbating) which is not a bad thing unless it conflicts with religous beliefs etc. ok byebye

oo guys i forgot to tell you go out and buy Newman's Own brand Virgin Lime-Aid it is absolutly delicious and all the proceeds go to charity so not only are you enjoy a delicious drink, you are also hepling poor starving children in africa. and there are clever stories on the back of all his products. so next time you or your parents are at the grocery store buy Newman's Own brand anything he has candy, salad dressing, chips, drinks and more. ALL the profit goes to charity!! and its delicious. and if all that hasnt done it for you Paul Newman is a really cool guy!!

hello all. ive been thinking, i feel this blog is way too dorky (even for me) and i really dont enjoy it, but when ever i stop for a while many people comment on how they miss my post (which you realy have to have no life to be intrested in because i dont have a life and if your reading about the day of someone with no life im sory but thats pretty pathetic.) but to make the media happy i decided ill continue this blog but give me a week or so between entrys so i can actually have things to put in them. anyway with no further adue i give you todays blog entry: i want to go clubbing i told miss bernardo to go with me so the deal is if shes still working here when i turn 18 we will go clubbing together. but shes way to cool for me so id only end up ambarssing myself, i need to get a fake id and actually having one would be pretty cool but when people were actually taking me seriously and showing me stuff to do and who to see i got scared cuz thats really bad although having one wouldnt be that bad although if i did use it to go clubbing the scary thing is i could probly pass for an 18 year old :/ w/e. i had a lovely phone conversation with amanda freidman today and i feel like all lifes problems have been lifted off my shoulders. hmm what else happened to day?? OH! i decided to join youth against cancer with one of the coolest people i know: danielle perisi, and i got to see my friend kim who i havent seen in like months and it was tres exciting cuz shes the coolest and i miss her:( im so sad there will be no 9th grade last year cuz there are alot of cool people in that grade that i like, oh well. hmm i belive thats all the intrestnig things today. oh jr prom was nice and daniele perrone looked gorgeous she really did i didnt even recognize her when i walked in she was really pretty! well i seem to be out of things to say oh wait no the best thing!!: my omy is excepting me!! not 100% but shes cool she likes my friends and is beging to realize i have a boyfriend who i love very much and hes not just some creepy gay guy i hang around so thats nice! i love my mom i really do but i dont think she thinks before she talks like i dont know if any of you have ever seen the passive agressive pam schetch on snl buyt shes kinda like that a bitch who means well but cant exactly show it to people ::shrugs:: uh huh well i guess i should go back to my school work im very annoyed i have to do a gym report thats due tomarrow that i found out about on friday and it doesnt matter how long it is it just has to be exceptionaly good which is a pain cuz writing about saftey isnt that intresting and itll be hard to enjoy writing about something so tedious as saftey techniques in the weight room. oh well i wish i had known i was goning to be going back to gym cuz i was under the impression i was out for the year but it was my desision to go back (?) oh well it isnt that bad i wish i had chose to make up the classes insted now ESPECIALLY SINCE ROBERT IS GROUNDED!! ugh your so stupid! :) silly. Aaanyway this ebtry is long enough so ill mention *AMANDA FRIEDMAN* and say fare well. have a good day everyone!!:)